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celebrate America
Jokes for the Fourth of July
Q: If you crossed a vegetable with our first president, what would you get?A: George Squashington
Q: If you crossed a rooster with the first signer of the Declaration of Independence, what would you get?
A: John Hancock-a-doodle-doo
Q: If you crossed George Washington with cattle feed, what would you get?
A: The Fodder of Our Country
Q: If you crossed a Patriot with a curly-haired dog, what would you get?
A: Yankee Poodle
Q: If you crossed the American national bird with Snoopy, what would you get?
A: A bald beagle.
Q: If you crossed a famous Founding Father with a famous monster, what would you get?
A: Benjamin Franklinstein
Q: What quacks, has webbed feet, and betrays his country?
A: Beneduck Arnold
Q: What protest did dogs hold in 1773?
A: The Boston Flea Party
Q: What did Americans do because of the Stamp Act?
A: They licked the British.
Q: Why did Paul Revere ride his horse from Boston to Lexington and Concord?
A: The horse was too heavy to carry.
Q: Why did the British cross the Atlantic?
A: To get to the other tide.
Q: Did you hear the joke about the Liberty Bell?
A: Yes, it was a crack up.
Q: What did the Patriot put on his dry skin?
A: Revo-lotion
Q: Who is a dog’s favorite Founding Father?
A: Bone Franklin.
Q: What was the most popular dance in 1776?
A: Indepen-dance.
Q: Who was the biggest jokester in Washington’s army?
A: Laughayette
Q: What did Washington ask as he crossed the Delaware?
A: "How much did the reserved seats cost?"
Q: Do flags talk to other flags?
A: No. They just wave.
Q: Who is a fake patriot?
A: Uncle Sham.
Q: Where did George Washington buy his hatchet?
A: At the chopping mall.
Q: What kind of tea did the American colonists want?
A: Liberty.
Q: What was General George Washington’s favorite tree?
A: The infantry.
Q: Which colonists told the worst jokes?
A: Punsylvanians
Q: If rats and cockroaches lived at Washington’s home, what would you call it?
A: Mt. Vermin
Q: What has four legs, a red nose, and fought for the British?
A: Rudolph the Redcoat Reindeer
Q: Why did British soldiers wear red coats?
A: So they could hide in the tomatoes.
Q: How is the Liberty Bell like a dropped Easter egg?
A: They’re both cracked.
Q: What has feathers, webbed feet, and certain inalienable rights?
A: The Ducklaration of Independence.
Q: What cat warned that the British were coming?
A: Paw Revere.
Q: What was the craziest battle of the American Revolution?
A: The Battle of Bonkers Hill.
Q: What was Thomas Jefferson's favorite dessert?
A: Monti jello.
Q: What ghost haunted King George III?
A: The spirit of ’76.
Q: What's red, white, blue and green?
A: A seasick Uncle Sam.
Q: Why were the first Americans like ants?
A: They lived in colonies.
Q: What famous pig signed the Declaration of Independence?
A: John Hamcock.
Q: What does the Statue of Liberty stand for?
A: It can’t sit down.
Q: Do they have a Fourth of July in England?
A: Yes, it comes just before the fifth of July.
Q: Why did George Washington put a chicken on guard duty?
A: He wanted to have "chicken catch a Tory."
Q: What’s the difference between a duck and George Washington?
A: One has a bill on his face, and the other has his face on a bill.
Teacher: Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?
Student: At the bottom.
Teacher: OK, was the Declaration of Independence written in Philadelphia?
Student: No, it was written in ink.
Teacher: Why did Washington chop down the cherry tree with a hatchet?
Student: Because he couldn’t find the chain saw.
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