Soup Humor (part 2)

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It is always good to make those with dementia and other long term care residents laugh. With that I bring you

Soup Humor(part 2)

• Why do the New England Patriots eat their soup on a plate? Because bowls make them choke!!! (Thanks to Ryan Campbell for his timely joke on Superbowl XLII, New England Patriots v. New York Giants.)
• You know what's good about sheep's head broth? Its eyes will see you through the week.
• What's Martha Stewart's recipe for chicken soup? First, boil the chicken then dump the stock.
• "How did the cannibal cook respond when complimented on his soup?" "It's all relatives."
• "When is rabbit soup not good?" "When there's a hare in it."
• "Do you like day-old soup?" "Yes, I do." "Well, come back tomorrow, then." (Attributed to the wife of a wealthy Canadian philanthropist)
• "Who is the head of a soup factory?" "Souperman" (7-year-old Californian Marguerite, bless her heart)
• "How you make gold soup?" "With 22 carrots."
• "A bowl of alphabet soup a day is good for the vowels." (Mitch Murray, 60's songwriter turned speechwriter)
• "Wonton disregard: negligently serving hot noodle soup" (L.A. Times, 4/16/02)
• "What do ducks have for lunch?" "Soup and quackers"
• "Never darken my Dior again" (Canadian actress, when a waiter at Buckingham Palace spilled soup on her dress)
• When is soup musical? When it's piping hot.
• On bad movies: "Better films have formed atop day-old soup."
• "At the Olympics, Mormon president Gordon B. Hinckley met with President Bush and the First Lady and declared them both from 'good stock.' Does he mean, like, soup?" (Ron C. Judd, Seattle Times).
• What do you call 2,000 pounds of Chinese Soup? Won Ton.
• You know how movies always have sex scenes and the studios say that is because sex is part of life and movies should be lifelike? So why don't movies have more soup scenes? Soup is part of life; no one was ever too tired to have soup.... (Jackie Mason, in The World According to Me--many thanks to Louis S. for the contribution).
• I went to a restaurant that serves "lunch at any time." So I ordered bean soup during the Renaissance." (Stephen Wright)
• "What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?" "Anyone can roast beef."
• A retired printer went into the restaurant business. One day one of his customers cried, "This is an outrage--there's a needle in this soup!" "Merely a typographical error, sir," said the printer, "should have been 'noodle.'"
• When Marilyn Monroe was married to Arthur Miller, she got tired of his mother always serving matzo ball soup. "Gee, Arthur," she said after the tenth time, "These matzo balls are pretty nice, but isn't there any other part of the matzo you can eat?"
• Checking the menu, a restaurant customer ordered a bowl of vegetable soup. After a couple spoonsful, he saw a circle of wetness right under the bowl on the tablecloth. He called the waitress over and said, "It's all wet down here. The bowl must be cracked." The waitress said, "You ordered the vegetable soup, didn't you?" "Yes," he replied. "Well, maybe it has a leek in it." (Milton Berle)
• The cannibal wiped his mouth daintily and said, "My wife makes great soup. But I'll miss her."
• "Yes, I know fish is brain food, but I don't care much for fish. Isn't there some other brain food?" "Well, there's noodle soup."
• "Will you join me in a bowl of soup?" "Is it big enough for both of us?"
• "What do you call a chicken in a hot tub?" "Soup."
• Bill and Hillary Clinton were at a restaurant. The waitress asked Hillary for her order. She said, "I'll have the onion soup and the chicken dinner." The waitress said, "what would you like for your vegetable?" Hillary said, "He can order for himself."
• "What is Dracula's favorite soup?" "Scream of tomato."
• "What does a dragon eat with soup?" "Firecrackers."
• "What do firemen put in their soup?" "Firecrackers."
• "Is chicken soup good for your health?" "Not if you're the chicken."
• "What does pea soup taste like when it gets cold?" "I don't know. Who would eat cold pea soup?"